California: The Sanctuary State for everyone but Americans

Throughout the Obama presidency, there were more than 40 states that filed secession petitions on the White House website. Georgia, Florida, Alabama, and Tennessee all racked up over 20,000 signatures. Louisiana received over 30,000. And Texas, being Texas out shined them all with over 81,000.

Even some guy named ‘Caleb’ started a petition to finally help Austin secede from Texas. (Of course his name was Caleb.) He only got about 2,000 though.

And while these digital coup d’états all failed, it seems that a new American state is now leading the charge in response to what the Left calls “Trump’s America.”

*cue ‘California Love’ by Tupac in your head*

That’s right. California is really trying their damnedest to stick it to the rest of us and make a permanent break from the US of A. But unlike most one-sided break-ups, the feeling is mutual.

You hear that, California? We’re dumping you. We’ll even let you keep our stuff at your place to do with as you please. Use it, trash it, throw it out the window onto the lawn for the embarrassed neighbors to see. We don’t care. But we all know you certainly won’t deport it. Lord knows that’s definitely not your thing.

Through all of California’s virtue-signaling, nasally wallowing and insufferable, juvenile tantrum-throwing since last November, Governor Jerry Brown’s administration recently submitted a $100 billion (billion with a ‘b’) funding request from the evil Trump administration, though off-the-record sources say they really need about $500 billion (still with a ‘b’).

The education system is a disaster, with less than half of students meeting or exceeding the English language arts or literacy standards. (Try just 40% with math.) Teachers now have to provide extra credit of up to 55% on assignments not turned in so kids can move on to the next grade level. Plus, they permanently got rid of those pesky high school exit exams. Who needs ‘em? Racist whites, that’s who.

Speaking of race, cities like Los Angeles are being crippled by programs like PHBAO (pronounced “phabow”), which stands for “Predominantly Hispanic, Black, Asian or Other.” It prevents LAUSD schools from having a white population greater than 30%. If you’ve got one cracker too many, they’ll increase class sizes, eliminate programs, and juggle teachers around until the white scare is officially over.

Thanks to the endless supply of what the Washington Examiner calls “progressive utopianism,” California is now also the most poverty-stricken state in America. (Take that, Alabama!) Of its 39 million residents, a third of them are on Medi-Cal (state/federal medical care program for the poor). With 12% of the entire US population, California now claims 30% of the entire country’s welfare.

We’re watching a real-time case study of unrestricted liberalism on the West Coast, as the Hollywood elite and technocrats remain some of the richest in the world, those in the slums fight for table scraps down in the valley.

Soviet Russia
A small group holds all the power while the masses starve…gosh, this sounds familiar…

Plus, the explosion in public pension is draining resources from both the state and local levels. As Forbes notes, pension costs as a percentage of operating budgets have increased 300% – 500% in the last 15 years and are projected to keep going higher. That means things like foster care, children and family services, workforce development and military and veterans’ affairs in local communities are on the chopping block, all because a bunch of Baby Boomer politicians never learned to balance a budget, or just didn’t care to.

But never fear. The People’s Republic of California knows what it’s doing. You see, even though things may be bad on paper, at least they’re still popular in the eyes of social justice warriors nationwide. Maybe if you double down on that, the rest will work itself out?

It looks like that’s the game plan.

As of January 1, 2018, California has multiple new bills and laws going into effect. They are, to put it mildly, terrifying. (Yes, that’s me downplaying it some.) But instead of shitting all over this subject with no facts or figures like they do over at the failing New York Times, I decided to create this “Sayonara California” series to run down the list of the most triggering new laws that just got Governor Brown’s John Hancock.

S.B. 54

On October 5, Governor Brown, hereby referred to as ‘Brown Town,’ signed sanctuary state legislation that extends protections for immigrants living in the US illegally. The cops can no longer do their job–I mean, the cops can no longer ask people about their immigration status. Even if they’re standing on a well-known drug corner at 2am. Probably just a coincidence. Bigot.

Jail officials can only transfer inmates to la migra if they’ve been convicted of certain crimes.

MS-13 gang member
“You can’t deport this man, he only murdered three people and it was on a Monday, which is understandable, because Mondays, am I right?”

Under S.B. 54, ICE will no longer be allowed to enter schools and workplaces without a warrant, landlords can no longer tattle on their illegal tenants (good luck with that one), and local governments can no longer contract for-profit companies or ICE to hold immigrants.

Brown Town excitedly squealed, “These are uncertain times for undocumented Californians and their families, and this bill strikes a balance that will protect public safety, while bringing a measure of comfort to those families who are now living in fear every day.”

Your legal citizens are hardly getting by but you’re primary focus is making sure the illegal immigrants feel safe? Got it.

Democratic Senate President Pro Tem Kevin de Leon added, “This bill will put a large kink in Trump’s perverse and inhumane deportation machine.”

Let’s see if I’m understanding this correctly.

California is home to an estimated 2.3 million illegal immigrants. I’d bet it’s much higher, but let’s just go with that number for now. That’s nearly 6% of The Golden State’s population. From 2008 to 2014, 38% of all murder convictions were committed by “criminal aliens.” It’s estimated that 90% of these so-called “criminal aliens” are here illegally, but I’m fine rounding that up to 100%, since I was generous about the 2.3 million total illegal immigrant stat from before.

So, nearly 40% of all murder convictions in the PRC (People’s Republic of California) are committed by 6% of the population.

To recap, the Democrats want to make their state a safer place…by allowing amnesty to 2.3 million illegal immigrants…even though they’re highly overrepresented with murderers.

Body bag
Brown Town knows “murder” means death, right? Last time I checked, someone usually dies in a murder.

And if you throw in rape, drugs, and gang violence in here, the plot really thickens. Surely, Brown Town also knows that 1 out of every 5 illegal immigrants has a criminal record? That’s one in five, amigo.

While Super Bowl commercials show illegal immigrants as harmless mothers and children who just want a better future, in reality, an alarmingly high percentage of them are or will be involved in gangs. And up to 80% of crime in the US is committed by gangs. I wonder what that percentage looks like in California…

But hey, at least “being a sanctuary state” will look good on California’s LinkedIn when they eventually secede and apply to be a part of the U.N.

Still with me? For those of you who haven’t jumped out your window screaming, “CALIFORNIA, YOU DID THIIIIIIS,” be on the lookout for the next article in the Sayonara series posting next week.

I’ll continue down my list of the most outrageous senate bills that have been passed.




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